Pilot Conversations
Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”
Tower: “TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.”
TWA 2341: “Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
Tower: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff line: “I’m f…ing bored!”
Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”
Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f…ing bored, not f…ing stupid!”
O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this… I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, “What was your last known position?”
Student: “When I was number one for takeoff.”
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: “American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.”
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?”
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war!”
Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7″
Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”
Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?”
Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern… we’ve already notified our caterers.”
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
“What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?”
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: “I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I’ll have enough parts for another one.”
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign: Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: ” Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, — And I didn’t land.”
While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!”
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
“Wasn’t I married to you once?”
(from http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007/pilot-conversations-p1.php)
Samsung 3d Awesomeness!
Brett Domino: Justin Timberlake Medley
Motorbike Reviews
I am about to buy a motorbike. Obviously this means hours and hours of researching online which bike to get. In short, motorbike reviews are a complete joke! How about a website dedicated to real world reviews of motorbikes?
I am 6′4″ (193cm) tall. This presents a pretty obvious dilemma when choosing a motorbike. Most motorbikes are built around the average of 5′ to 6′, lets be honest, they are built more for the lower part of that range. So when I am looking at reviews, there are a few criteria that are important to me. Here are my needs:
- The bike needs to be comfortable for my height (and weight) and not look like a toy underneath me
- The seat should feel comfortable underneath me for at least 2 hours at a time
- I want a compromise in my riding position between completely upright, and lying down on the tank
- The bike should have enough power to be able to pass traffic going 70mph (and obviously give me that little kick of adrenaline every now and then!)
- Ride comfort and brakes should be good
- Fuel economy should be pretty decent (around 45-55 mpg)
- Insurance costs shouldn’t be that of Bugatti Veyron
As far as I and probably 95% of the other prospective bike riders/owners out there, these are the basic sorts of requirements we have. But according to online review sites, these are the requirements they think we have:
- The bike needs to do over 170mph, just in case I need to pass a F1 car on the way to work
- Should be able to do a lap of Silverstone within 2 seconds of the time that Valentino Rossi did it on a race spec machine
- Needs to be able to corner at at least 100mph, with my knee scraping along the ground (I didn’t buy those Knee Pucks for nothing!)
- I should be able to pop the front wheel up in any gear, and at any speed below 100mph
- The brakes should be good enough so that I can perform stoppies, lifting the back wheel up, on the highway whenever I get the urge
- The bike should sound like a jet engine just about to break the sound barrier…at idle.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of speed and power…I am a guy after all. But unless I am on a track or on the Autobahn I am unlikely to ever go over 130mph. Any modern sport bike over 500cc will get you over 120mph, and because of EU regulations they will need to be able to safely get you back down to 0mph in a decent time too. Give us reviews on how this fits the average Joe who isn’t 5′6″ weighing 120lb. Give us a review telling us how it felt getting from London to Scotland, and how much fuel you used to do it.
Google Chrome OS: New Kid on the Block
It was inevitable that Google would enter the Operating Systems market (although you could say they already have with Google Android). True to form, Google have introduced something that defies convention. They have introduced an Operating System that promises to be all about “speed, security and simplicity”.