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Scam artist on Facebook – Final Part

This is the final part to these messages from my good friend Evette (apparently, my wife...the love of my life etc!). It was getting too easy, and there weren't enough brain cells on the other end of the my messages to actually process the fact I was insulting "her".

(If you haven't read the previous posts, then start at part 1)

Here are the last few messages:

Me:

Evette, my everlasting gobstopper.

I understand you don't have money to do this. And, I do not like conditional love either! My love for you is everlasting (like the aforementioned gobstopper).

This is terrible news about your mother! Of course I will help you...and of course I am not mad at you... What is actually wrong with her? What pills is she taking? How much do they cost?

In other news, I finally completed my collection of double twist, 5 thread count string! I have been looking for the last in the set for over 3 years, and finally I found it.

Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon, my beautiful bottom burp.

Captain Shaun

In the next message I get called babe 9 times, and all of a sudden I am married! News to me.

Evette:

Love how are you doing?. I hope you are cool today. Thanks so much for the mail. Thanks so much for the mail babe. It really cool reading from you and thanks for putting smile on my faces again babe. I am glad you are going to help me with mom pills babe. Thanks once again babe. I will let mom know you are going to help her with her pills fee babe. The pill is going to cost $150 us dollars babe. That is how much i use to buy it babe. I hope to read from you as soon as possible babe. Love you with all i am babe.
You Wife,

Evette Cares...

I need to know where my $150 is going.

Me:

Hi Evette, my little sprinkle of splashback,

What is actually wrong with your mother? What illness does she have?

Let me know how you want me to send you the money.

From,
Capt. Shaun

Now "she" has a new name, Rosemary.

Evette:

Good to hear from you sweetie and thanks for the understanding cos i dont believe a man like you still excite but i will like you to know my mom is sick of lungs cancer ever since i lost my dad but i dont know it we lead to something like this...I wll like you to get the money sent to me through western union store do you understand and i will also give you the information you will use to get the money send to me...here is the info

NAME.....ROSEMARY ROBERT
ADDRESS....IJAGBEMI STREET
CITY.....BARIGA
STATE....LAGOS
COUNTRY...NIGERIA
ZIPCODE....23401

(MTCN)...TEN DIGIT NUMBER

(QUESTION AND ANSWER)?......

All you need is just get back to me with the information you get from western union cos that all i need to get the money from western union here..Hope you can understand...i will be waiting to read from you get back to me as soon as possible..

Evette Cares

Kisses

Me:

I thought your name was Evette?

Evette:

Yes am sorry it EVETTE ROSEMARY ROBERT am very sorry i didnt tell you this

Decided to spice things up a bit to see how "she" would react. I am off to Nigeria!

Me:

Hi Evette, my Delightful Douche!

I have asked my bank manager about Western Union, he says it isn't very safe. So I decided I will come visit you in Nigeria, then I can give you the money in person! I can't wait to see you. I hope you have place for me to sleep. Let me know if this is alright for you, then I will give you a list of my requirements for when I arrive (don't worry, I don't need much).

I hope you are looking forward to seeing me as much I am looking forward to seeing you!

Captain Shaun

The English in this made my head hurt. The Oxford English Dictionary shed a tear while I read this:

Evette:

Good to hear from you sweetie but i will like you to know that if coming here is what you will like i also like that too i will like to see you here soon when are you coming over sweetie?....but i will like you to know why cant you just find a way to get this money send to me cos i think you know what i really wanna use this money for...Plzz try and do something about my moms life cos she is dying and i will like you to know that i will like you to come down here cos i will like you to see am not make fool out of you..Hope to hear from you soon

Yeah, I have a pretty good guess what you want the money for...

I looked up flight times to Lagos, just in case Evette actually looked this up

Me:

Hi Evette,

My flight leaves at 10:30 this morning. I am scheduled to land at about 6pm your time, today! We finally get to meet!

I will have my 3 bodyguards with me (my bank manager told me there are some dangerous people in Nigeria!). Don't worry, they will stay in a hotel nearby. What is your address?

I will have my iPhone on me, so I can still check my Facebook messages when I arrive in Lagos. I have to go now, they are doing the check-in!

Looking forward to seeing you my little stain of flop sweat.

Capt. Shaun

Evette:

1 Ijagbemi street bariga lagos Nigeria 23401

i love you so much i finally meet u in person i will be waiting for you to get back to me i will be checking back at you hope to hear from you sweetie

About an hour after the time the flight would have landed (about 18:00), I sent this

Me:

Where were you? I waited for almost an hour for you. I didn't see you, my bodyguards didn't see you either?

I am going to stay at a hotel tonight with my bodyguards.

Capt Shaun

I then get a message at 1am

Evette:

Ok babe am here now where is the hotel you log in to ?

am sorry am here right now

The next morning at around 10 am I sent a reply:

Me:

Where are you? Why would you go to the airport so late at night??

I am beginning to think that you are not being truthful with me. I phoned all the hospitals in Lagos, and none of them have heard of you or your mom? Which hospital is she in?

I visited your street but nobody here knew who Evette Roberts was. Why have you lied to me? Why....WHYYYYYYYYYY!

She gives me "her" phone number below...not going to include it here.

Evette:

what do u mean am lying to u ok call this number it a calling card phone when u call i will be call to recieve ur message ok

By this time, I started getting really bored of all this, and wanted to bring it to a close. There is no fun or challenge in this when someone is so blatently dim.

Me:

before I phone, I want to know some things about you. Which university did you go to? I looked you up, and there is no record of you having a Accountancy degree. What is the truth Evette??

All of a sudden "she" went to university in London...when "she" originally claimed she was from the US.

Evette:

it seems you are a fool cos i dont understand you you told me you are here in nigeria and i have give u all that u can use to contact me and get me but all u do is keep taken me for a fool right...Yes i study in London Meridian College so what else fuck off i know you are not here in Nigeria lier

Me:

You originally said you studied in America. London Meridian College is in LONDON. Why the hell would I waste my time phoning you if you are just a liar and a scammer?

You seriously need to consider another "line of work". You need to have a little bit of intelligence to scam people! I have eaten custard that had a higher IQ than you.

You are boring me now.

And that was the last of the communication. I reported the account just after the last message, and by the next day the Evette Roberts account on Facebook was gone.